Fierce Authenticity

S3E26 How to Calm the F*ck Down

We are continuing the conversation on your nervous system and relationships. Last week, we talked about the role of your nervous system in your relationships, and how one nervous system truly does impact all of the other nervous systems around it.  

Today, I want to talk to you about co-regulation. One nervous system has the ability to impact another nervous system, because all nervous systems communicate with each other. So, today’s episode is all about how you can use that to calm the fu*k down when you are feeling dysregulated. 

 

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• What is co-regulation and how it benefits us 
• Activating the polyvagal nerve to deescalate an activated nervous system.  
• The importance of hugs and cuddle time for our nervous system 
• Regulating our nervous system by ourselves: one hand on heart, one hand on belly  

 

Quotes 

[00:07:37] The best way for doing this and activating that part of our nervous system, the polyvagal nerve to help calm us the f*ck down, is a really great big chest to chest hug with someone, especially someone that you love, or you care for or have strong positive feelings towards. 

[00:20:03] There's something so magical that happens when we connect with that space, the center of our body, up and down the front, between our heart space and our belly. Whether that's with another human in that really big hug and cuddle time, whether it's with our furbaby and just being present with them, whether it's with yourself by placing that hand on heart, hand on belly and breathing. And then as a result, that trickles out to every other nervous system around you and that you come into contact with. 

 

Links:
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Instagram: @shiranimpathak
Facebook: @ShiraniMPathak

For a transcript of this episode visit www.shiranimpathak.com/podcast

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S3E25 Your Nervous System and Relationships

Our nervous system can make or break any relational interaction that we have with someone. 

One nervous system will pick up whatever is happening with another nervous system. If one person's nervous system is activated, and your nervous system gets activated right there with them, it's not going to be pretty.  

In today’s episode, I share with you how your nervous system impacts your relationships and how you can regulate your nervous system from a place of calmness and kindness, so that you don’t get pulled into that “fight or flight” energy.  

  

In today’s episode, we cover:

• My 17-hours-long trip from New York to San Jose  
• Not allowing yourself to get pulled into activated nervous system energy 
• Regulating your nervous system from a place of calmness and kindness
• Why co-regulation is so important
• How our nervous system impacts our relationships  

 

Quotes  

[00:21:14] I contributed to a brief moment of pause and regulation, because I showed up with a calm, nervous system. And I was able to just be present and not get caught up in the attack energy. And that trickled out to every other exchange and interaction that I had. 

[00:22:36] One nervous system will pick up whatever is happening with another nervous system. And if one person's nervous system is activated, and your nervous system gets activated right there with them, it's not going to be pretty. But if one person's nervous system is activated and another person's nervous system is not, there is the potential to help regulate the other person's nervous system. 

 

Links:
To connect with us on the complimentary private newsletter community, be sure to visit www.shiranimpathak.com/connect

Instagram: @shiranimpathak
Facebook: @ShiraniMPathak

For a transcript of this episode visit www.shiranimpathak.com/podcast

Donate to the work:

Shirani on PayPal

*Some links may be affiliate links. I may earn a small commission. It won't cost you anything extra, but it supports the podcast.

S3E24 Stop Denying your Dreams and Desires

For years and years now, there has been a desire that I’ve had really deep in my heart. It is a desire that I’ve written about and dreamt about over and over. A desire to have a career as an author, speaker, and transformational leader.  

I’ve had this desire for years, yet I’ve denied myself permission to go after it. Why?  

Well, if you know me then you know that the answer comes back down to supremacy and supremacy culture's impact on us. It comes back to the ways that we’ve internalized supremacy, the parts that tell us that we're not good enough, that we're not worthy enough, that we're not valuable, that we can't achieve our dreams, that we can't experience that thing that our heart truly desires. 

In today’s episode we're talking about why it is that you hold yourself back from your desires and your dreams and how to break out of that cycle.  

 

In today’s episode, we cover:  

• Why I am so over being a therapist 
• How supremacy culture has conditioned us to believe that we're not good enough
• Taking full ownership of your dreams and your desires
• Leaving fear, scarcity, and lack behind you
• How to say “yes” to yourself and your dreams  

 

Quotes 

[00:03:30] For generations and even thousands and thousands of years, we have been taught that we're not important, that we don't matter, and that we have nothing to offer. And even though on a conscious level, you may know how untrue that is, yet on your subconscious level because of the ways your brain your body and your nervous system have been conditioned by supremacy, on an unconscious level you truly do believe that you aren't important, you aren't worthy, you don't matter. 

[00:20:45] That is what I have been dreaming of, envisioning and have wanted so deeply in my heart. But I didn't think that I was important enough, that I was worthy enough, that I was valuable enough to be able to take full out 100% ownership of that vision and that dream. 

[00:23:48] The reason we withhold permission from ourselves, the reason we deny ourselves our desires and our dreams is because this is the way that we've been programmed and conditioned. This is what lives so deep inside of us. This is what that programming has been for millennia 

 

Links:
To connect with us on the complimentary private newsletter community, be sure to visit www.shiranimpathak.com/connect

Instagram: @shiranimpathak
Facebook: @ShiraniMPathak

For a transcript of this episode visit www.shiranimpathak.com/podcast

Donate to the work:

Shirani on PayPal

*Some links may be affiliate links. I may earn a small commission. It won't cost you anything extra, but it supports the podcast.

S3E23 Lies About Productivity

Today, we're busting the myth that you have to constantly be productive 

Now that spring has officially sprung, it's a great time for us to talk about productivity and the natural seasons of rest.  

Living in the culture that we do, we have been just conditioned to believe in this myth that we have to be productive all the time, that we're supposed to constantly be hustling. This is just another part of supremacy culture's conditioning on us that comes from toxic capitalism.  

 

In today’s episode, we cover:

• How to follow the natural cycle of productivity 
• Being constantly productive is a myth 
• The natural rhythm that your body follows and you should too
• Don’t buy into the lie that wants you to stay oppressed  

 

Quotes 

[00:01:59] When we are constantly producing and in a state of perpetual “harvest”, what ends up happening is, we yield fruit, we have harvest, that's empty, and hollow, and devoid of all nutrients. And if that's what it does to our food, imagine what it does to us and our work in the world.  

[00:09:45] I was equipped with both pieces of information. One: being able to spot my brain freaking out; and two: the evidence that my business income picks up as my energy picks up, as the sun is out more, as the days start to get longer. Because my soft, supple human body, which is a soft, supple animal body follows the natural rhythm of rest, of turning inward, of preserving my energy during those dark, cold, sometimes rainy, winter months. 

[00:14:21] You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to turn inwards, you are allowed to snuggle up and to be in those fuzzy jammies and those fuzzy robes, you are allowed to do abso-freakin-lutely nothing at all. And anything that leads you to believe otherwise, anything that leads you to feel guilty or shameful around your need to rest, those are just the lies and the bulls*it the supremacy culture has been conditioning you to believe, so that you can keep yourself and your loved ones oppressed. 

 

Links:
To connect with us on the complimentary private newsletter community, be sure to visit www.shiranimpathak.com/connect

Instagram: @shiranimpathak
Facebook: @ShiraniMPathak

For a transcript of this episode visit www.shiranimpathak.com/podcast

Donate to the work:

Shirani on PayPal

*Some links may be affiliate links. I may earn a small commission. It won't cost you anything extra, but it supports the podcast.

S3E22 Nisha Interviews Shirani

Recently, I was a guest on Nisha Mody’s podcast MigrAsians. Unfortunately, MigrAsians is no longer releasing new episodes, but Nisha was kind enough to let me share that recording on our Fierce Authenticity Podcast. We dived deep into topics of supremacy conditioning, generational trauma and healing the system from within. 

 

And that’s what you’ll hear today!  

 

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• The story behind Fierce Authenticity  
• Coping mechanisms and the midfu*k that systems of oppression led us to  
• How to go from generational trauma to generational care 
• Dysregulation of our nervous system is in all of us 
• Changing the system from within  

 

Quotes 

[00:15:48] I still have family that talks about someone being fair or light in relation to their worth, and it's just really unfortunate, but it's a fact. It's a fact of the culture and the socialization as well. 

[00:25:24] We really can make a difference as individuals. I do think that systemic change needs to happen, but the more people bring stuff up and start examining themselves, that can potentially push for a systemic change and potentially shift power dynamics. 

[00:38:55] Systems out there will change once the people who make up that system change. This is an internal work. As a Trojan horse, this is how the work has to be done - in a really sneaky way from the inside out. Because it's not going to come from the outside in. 

 

Links:
To connect with us on the complimentary private newsletter community, be sure to visit www.shiranimpathak.com/connect

Instagram: @shiranimpathak
Facebook: @ShiraniMPathak

For a transcript of this episode visit www.shiranimpathak.com/podcast

Donate to the work:

Shirani on PayPal

*Some links may be affiliate links. I may earn a small commission. It won't cost you anything extra, but it supports the podcast.

S3E21 Family Legacies

As I am recording this, I am moving through the loss of a loved one. 

The feelings that come up are so complex. That's what grief, loss and death bring up - complexities of emotion.  

But, it can also stir up all of the anger, all of the resentment, all of the stories and all of the feelings that we have…and it can feel so conflicting because they're still our loved ones. It’s okay to can hold that the duality where on one hand, you know they were a good human with a generous heart, but on the other hand, parts of your experience with them fu*king sucked.  

Today, I want to speak with you about this thought that came up for me as I was moving through all of this grief, anger, resentment and the complexities of all of the human emotions: One's spirit knows so much more, and has so much more wisdom than one's limited human form could have access to. 

 

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• Complexity of emotions when you lose a loved one 
• Spirit knows so much more than our limited human form
• Are they really doing the best they can?
• Creating a new legacy for generations to come  

 

Quotes 

[00:04:06] One's spirit knows so much more, and has so much more wisdom than one's limited human form could have access to. And that was a thought that arose for me as I was sitting with the grief and sitting with the mourning and sitting with the complex feelings. 

[00:13:39] To be fair, I do believe that this person really was doing their best when they said to me: Never be alone with such and such person or never be alone with men. I truly believe that that was the story that they believed. And so that is the story that they passed on. 

[00:15:11] These legacies are going with them. They will not continue with me, I will not allow for them to be perpetuated and I will not allow for this abuse to be experienced in my family ever again. Because I am the ancestor who is creating a new legacy. I am the ancestor who is working towards dismantling all of the ways that systems of supremacy and oppression have been internalized within me and all of the harm that they have done. 

 

Links:
To connect with us on the complimentary private newsletter community, be sure to visit www.shiranimpathak.com/connect

Instagram: @shiranimpathak
Facebook: @ShiraniMPathak

For a transcript of this episode visit www.shiranimpathak.com/podcast

Donate to the work:

Shirani on PayPal

*Some links may be affiliate links. I may earn a small commission. It won't cost you anything extra, but it supports the podcast.

S3E20 Why You Don‘t Deserve Nice Things

Today’s episode is another loving truth bomb from my heart and soul to yours. 

Do you deserve to rest only because you've worked yourself to pure exhaustion and are completely burnt the f*ck out? Do you deserve that raise or that promotion because you've been putting in all the extra hours and working yourself to the bone? 

Supremacy has conditioned you to believe that your value and your worth come from external things when in reality you're inherently worthy and deserving simply because you exist. When you place your value and your worth on other people, places, experiences, achievements and things, you are putting a lot of power into the hands of others, instead of where it rightfully belongs - inside of yourself. It’s time to take that power back! 

 

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• Why you don’t deserve nice things 
• Correcting your language and shifting your energy 
• Taking back your power and playing by your own rules 
• Don’t freak out, stay present
• Embodied and empowered in the truth of who we are - perfect, whole and complete 

 

Quotes 

[00:05:42] When you say: “I deserve that bag” or “I deserve those shoes”, or “I deserve that thing because I accomplished this other thing”, what you're saying is that your worthiness and your deservingness only resides in that which you are capable of doing.   

[00:11:24] When you have placed your value and your worth on these worldly other people, places, experiences, achievements and things, then you sure are putting a lot of power into the hands of everyone and everything else, instead of where it rightfully belongs, which is inside of yourself. 

[00:11:58. ]Living under systems of supremacy culture, supremacy has conditioned you to believe that your value and your worth does come from these external things because then you will continue to strive, you will continue to hustle, you will continue to do, you will continue to be overworked, you will continue to be exhausted, you will continue to be burned out. And as long as you continue to do that, then you are not a threat to supremacy. 

 

Links:
To connect with us on the complimentary private newsletter community, be sure to visit www.shiranimpathak.com/connect

Instagram: @shiranimpathak
Facebook: @ShiraniMPathak

For a transcript of this episode visit www.shiranimpathak.com/podcast

Donate to the work:

Shirani on PayPal

*Some links may be affiliate links. I may earn a small commission. It won't cost you anything extra, but it supports the podcast.

S3E19 How to Listen to this Podcast

“But Shirani these episodes are so deep and sometimes they stir up a lot of sh*t.” 

If you ever have that thought while listening to this podcast, then I invite you to keep listening, because we are going to address that in today’s episode! 

Today, I want to share with you some of my thoughts around what has come up and what I've heard from others as it relates to the podcast and the episodes that you hear here, how they might impact you, and ways to actually take care of yourself. 

 

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• Exorcizing and extracting the lies and the conditioning  
• Using Fierce Authenticity to shift the way you see things 
• Taking it slow and allowing the words to sink in 
• Getting to the other side of being your authentic self  

 

Quotes 

[00:08:06] It's because the writing and what's being shared and the stories that are being told, are taking us into some of the deepest depths of the shadows in our human psyche. All of those things that we have shoved into the deepest, darkest reaches of our brain because they're too painful, too traumatic, too tragic to look at and to deal with, with the tools that we've had in place. 

[00:09:39] I'm kind of like an agitator in terms of I am going to agitate those things in you that are lying there unaddressed but waiting for your attention. 

[00:13:24] I encourage you to take it slow. To let these words really sink in. To let the messages land. To let these messages speak to parts of you that haven't been spoken to before or that haven't been given voice to. To allow what I'm saying here on the podcast, what I share on my Instagram and other social media channels, what I share in my newsletter, to let it all land and give voice to all of the things that you yourself have experienced or sensed or felt and you didn't have words for. And just allow yourself to be with it. Because that is how this process works. 

 

Links:
To connect with us on the complimentary private newsletter community, be sure to visit www.shiranimpathak.com/connect

Instagram: @shiranimpathak
Facebook: @ShiraniMPathak

For a transcript of this episode visit www.shiranimpathak.com/podcast

Donate to the work:

Shirani on PayPal

*Some links may be affiliate links. I may earn a small commission. It won't cost you anything extra, but it supports the podcast.