S3E14 How to Have Good Boundaries During the Holidays

This holiday season, let’s talk about boundaries! 

Welcome to part two of our three-part mini-series on how to get through the holidays in a different way this year. Today, we're talking about boundaries.  

One of the biggest misconceptions that we have when it comes to boundaries is that boundaries are for other people. We create our boundaries; we communicate them with other people and then we get upset when they do not adhere to our boundaries. Do you know what that is? That’s participating in supremacy culture’s behavior of control. So, join me in today’s episode and learn how to break free while staying in alignment with your fierce truth! 

In today’s episode, we cover: 

• Your boundaries are for you 
• Clear is kind; Control is unkind 
• What is and is not acceptable to you from you 
• Judgment and compassion can coexist
• Catch yourself before it’s too late  

Quotes 

[00:03:24] If you are trying to set boundaries and hoping that other people will follow through with them and then getting resentful when they don't, do you know what you're doing? You're actually participating in supremacy culture’s sneaky behavior of control. That is what you're doing; you are trying to control another person and how they engage with you. You're trying to tell another person who to be in order to be in a relationship with you. And when you do that, you are putting yourself in a position of superiority, the other person in a position of inferiority. You are elevating yourself to the status of some holier than thou type and you are dehumanizing the person that you are in a relationship with.  

[00:06:20] Clear is kind. It is kind for you to be clear with yourself about what your boundaries and your parameters are when you are considering how you're going to do the holidays. It's kind to be clear with yourself what you will and will not accept when it comes to this season. Even if that what you will and will not accept relates to what you will and will not accept from yourself. And it is also kind for you to very clearly communicate what it is that you need to others and then let go of any expectations or any outcomes, because when you hold on to expectations and outcomes you fall into the behavior of “control is unkind”. So, remember that - clear is kind; control is unkind. Especially when we are directing it outwards towards another person or another outcome or something outside of us, because the reality is we are not God and we're not in control of other people, places and things around us. We are not in control of how other people choose to show up. 

 

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